Meditation

Life can be a puzzle that you aren’t necessarily meant to fully solve.

Like one of those 10,000 pieces of sky where every tile has a corner of the cloud that collectively all starts looking the same.

Soaking with the sadness that I seem to carry like a bulky, not so pretty rain jacket tucked away into a cute little tote bag that hangs on my shoulder just in case it pours down on a sunny day.

My rainbows are true, double, iridescent.

They start in the clouds above the alps and end in a waterfall that falls at the same speed as the gush of my beating heart.

And I chase this rain for the possibility of the light that follows after.

That almost spiritual erasure of all that came before it like hitting the reset button of the world after Noah built his arc.

I watch and patiently wait until it washes away enough for me to start gathering again.

I pray.

I pray that I fall deep, hard, and headfirst into the choices I make as I try to navigate my way.

Each path looks the same and yet I can’t stop wondering about the ones I didn’t take.

I chip away, piece by piece at my mind’s arc, trying to get closer to the perfect pairings that could survive the storms that my brain can sometimes create.

I hold the pen, I hold the answers, I stare bluntly at my paper.

The ink runs warmly through my veins as it inches towards my fingers until it almost touches you.

Time is messy and so is my truth.

I weave words till I can see the world a bit grainier, a movement in the lotus fronds in the shallow waters outside my house, hear the sounds of the birds that have gone quietly softer in the last thirty years and hold myself fuzzily in my own arms.

Breathing deeply, fully and just enough.